How to Connect in an Awkward World

Nov 19

I’m convinced that the deadliest epidemic in today’s world is that of loneliness.

We’re obsessed with our phones (followers, jobs, money) and it’s a real problem.

When we obsess, we shut off the world and isolate ourselves from others. Vulnerability becomes more and more awkward. This leads to thinking that we’re “other” and not important. This makes us feel terribly lonely.

In THE LAB of life, this is represented by L:

T - Tired (for rest) H - Hungry (for food) E - Excited (for pleasure) L - Lonely (for connection) A - Angry (for movement) B - Bored (for fulfillment)

The basic human need for connection is intrinsic in us all – so why are we all so afraid of it?

Humans are motivated by pain.

We cycle to a state of suffering until we get so fed up with the pain we’re in that we finally make a change.

Clever and effective (it gets us to change eventually), but not intelligent or efficient.

When we have emotional intelligence, we learn to skip the stuffing part and go straight to the change part.

How?

Trade our requirement for suffering into a requirement for connection.

When we’re aware of our mental obsessions and share them with someone else, the connection and vulnerability we experience fosters transformation.

You Never Have to do Anything Alone

Do you believe that’s true?

I was taught that it was embarrassing or weak to ask for help. No one said it in those words, but it was ingrained in me through the embarrassment of being wrong or imperfect.

I remember thinking:

Only raise your hand in class if you know the answer.

If you get a 90/100 on a test that means you could have done better.

The common thread here is the “you” that was emphasized. There was no “we” should have done better or “we” can help you understand if you don’t know.

Well, life has a way of giving you the experiences you need to learn the lessons you require and I was handed a heavy dose of humility in order to learn how to ask for help.

I now understand that it’s self-assured to ask for help.

I am confident in my ability to ask for help and survive the embarrassment of imperfection.

I'm not dependent on anyone but I'm humble to the understanding that others know more than me and can make my journey easier.

It doesn’t matter if you're obsessed with fitness, having fun, or your new lover -- if you venture into these life experiences alone you can quickly become isolated, cut off from reality and dependent on the “substance of choice" for your happiness.

If you venture into life experiences with a support system, though, you can remain open and transform with much greater ease.

Let’s Get Old School, Baby

This week, your experiment in THE LAB of life might feel a little funky.

I’m asking you to go old school and do something you may not be familiar with or practiced in: I want you to pick up your cell and call (yes, use your voice and your ears) two people a day for the next seven days.

I’ll be gracious and give you this: if they don’t pick up the phone, leave a voicemail. It still counts.

Do you usually text your partner to ask what their preference is for dinner? Call them instead.

Do you usually text your dog walker to confirm your weekly schedule? Call them instead.

If you see someone with really cool tattoos and it makes you think of your old coworker, call them!

“I saw this person with cool tattoos and it made me think of you – what’s up??”

Keep it simple, smartie.

When in doubt: Don’t obsess over it, connect over it.

PS. I know it can feel weird calling people out of the blue, especially if you don’t know them well. This week I learned a conversation-hack that ensures I'll never run out of questions to ask people when chatting: it's aim is to deepen your relationship quickly and skip all the awkward bits. Would you like me to share the conversation-hack with you?