Who are some of the people who have influenced you?
First, think beyond your closest friends and family – think about influential people who you don’t know but have still inspired you. It could be:
The reason you like them is because something in them resonates with something in you.
Watching them makes you more familiar with yourself because watching them illuminates something within yourself that’s always been there.
Do you follow me?
These influencers are your mirror.
My current celebrity crushes are ALOK, Sophia Bush, Tracey Ellis Ross, and Trever Noah.
Similar but different, I cry every single time Moana sings, “If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me, one day I'll know how far I'll go.”
When you’re inspired by something, it’s because you are connecting with something in yourself that you witness in another person.
This is what it means to be influenced.
How Far Will You Go?
In the movie, Moana is surrounded by a community of people who have chosen a role for her. She has every temptation to live the life they say she should -- she would be the leader, and they affirmed her intelligence and how good she was with her people.
What feels better than people being in awe of you?
She was torn between craving the affirmation of the people who were rejecting her purpose and following the light that shines on the sea that calls her.
Our culture teaches us that selflessness is spiritual, but dedication to the plan of others does not equal piety.
Deprivation of your passion and pleasure is not spiritual.
This is what it means to be tempted.
But it’s confusing, right?
Take drinking for example.
I’ll share from my own experience:
My community encouraged me to drink, even celebrated it.
If I browned out and danced on a table, I was cheered on
If I skipped a workout to come have beers, I got a high-five
If I had to much my hand was held and I was tucked into bed
I received affirmation that I belonged, that I was funny, and that I was cared for.
It’s not wrong to long for these things, it’s wrong to live for receiving it from other people.
It’s a spiritual practice to serve people – but if you live for their approval you will die with their criticism.
Why are you with that person?
Why are you working for that company?
Why are you drinking as much as you do?
The way to live empowered is to live for the approval of your own self and then serve people with that version of yourself.
Don't Be Bold in Order to Belong
I think we have it a little warped on boldness.
What is boldness?
I drank boldly, not moderately.
You could argue that it’s courageous to put a lot of poison in your body – hoping you wake up the next day healthy and safe.
If you’ve ever:
You’ve gambled, friend.
For some, taking just one drink is a huge risk.
But is that courageous? Is it bold?
Stop doing spectacular things for the wrong reasons.
The Ultimate Service
I want you to consider that the best thing for everyone is for you to do what's best for you.
What makes you the most free, healthy, and fulfilled version of yourself?
Most people don’t actually know.
More accurately, they don’t know what they want -- they just know it’s different from what they have.
How do you find clarity on what you want?
You have to experiment with something different – which takes serious boldness and courage.
You have to be willing to do what 99% of people are not willing to do:
Stop drinking
Leave the relationship
Take a six-month break from work
You’re going to have to do the thing that’s hard for other people to understand so that you can get better at doing what’s best for you.
Release the temptation of living off of the applause of other people – detach yourself from the approval of others – in order to live for your own affirmation.
Serve yourself and I promise you that you will serve others in a profound way.
What the people you love need to see is now you pleasing others, but they need to see what it looks like when a person prioritizes themselves despite other people’s opinions.
What is one thing you would do differently if you didn’t care what others thought?
A beautiful friend of mine just finished a 6 month sabatical from work – at 33, she quit her job without a “plan.”
That’s bold.
That’s courageous.
That’s mother-fucking savage.
And I’ve never ever been more energized or inspired in her presence. She is truly alive and aligned with who she is.
There is no one-way liberation.
By freeing herself from the confines of societal norms she giving's me permission to do the same.
So, you could say, I have an influencer in my inner circle.
How Free Do You Want To Be?
Think about your inner circle -- who in your life is a shining light that helps you be the best version of yourself by providing a mirror for what is possible?
Call them up. Say "Hey, you're a positive influence in my life and I'm glad we're buds."
Then, write down five things you want, just because you want them.
I’ll go first – I want to:
Live by myself
Tour across the US
Record a music album
Make $2k a month in passive income
Attend my niece’s and nephews’ sports games
Sometimes the first step on the path to freedom is letting yourself want what you want, without self-judgment (let alone the judgment of others).
Your turn.
Hit reply and share what you want.
I hope this has influenced you.
Jenna