Sober Snacks #22

Bite size tips & stories to help you not drink today. For the sober and sober curious looking for digestible, on-the-go sober-positive content. These are the stories and lifestyle tips of people who don’t drink. Enjoy :)

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I’m a married, father of one recovering addict and alcoholic. After working for 20+ years while battling addiction issues in the lion's mouth (Hospitality) I managed to somehow not get eaten!

I changed careers 4 years ago and went back to school. Now have a diploma in Addiction Studies and work with teenagers who are battling addiction and mental health issues. I love my new career and I love my new self.

I’m taking life one day at a time and I am winning every day.

When asked “what can I get you to drink?”, you say:

I usually just say, “A coke!”, because that is normally always available.

If I am offered a beer or a wine I always state, “I don’t drink”.

I am at the age that people don’t usually question this response. When I was younger during my first long stint of sobriety, this was more of an issue but as you age it doesn’t seem to be.

My favorite AF drink is ginger beer. If I know they have this, I will always ask but generally, Coca-Cola is everywhere: so, if I don’t know that’s my go-to.

What is the book (or books) you’ve given most as a gift, and why? Or what are one to three books that have greatly influenced your life?

My book is The Magician — the first volume in the Riftwar Saga by Raymond E Feist. I have every book he has written and it is my escape. Whenever I am feeling lost, overwhelmed, or depressed I escape to this fantasy world. I was given this book by a flatmate in 1992 and I have forever been grateful. The guy who gave it to me is now my daughter's godfather and has been my best friend since given it to me. To have an escape when you are battling addictions is a gift. It has nothing to do with recovery but it is a constant. And it always lets me escape, even for just a moment while I gather my strength.

The book I give away is The Little Prince — a novella by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Generally, when I give it away it is to someone young who is trying to find meaning in their life.

Within your sobriety, what is one of the best or most worthwhile investments you’ve ever made? (Could be an investment of money, time, energy, etc.)

Definitely my marriage. My wife is my rock. She has been with me through it all. I was an addict and an alcoholic before we met but she saw my potential.

Since getting clean I invest all my time and money in repaying her for what she gave. If she needs something or wants something I try and make it happen. She expects nothing but she deserves everything. I can’t explain how it feels to have someone who has true faith in who you are, not where you are at.

She has had plenty of opportunities to run but she always stayed true. She now has my focus and I am fully invested in paying back the energy she put in (not to mention the money I wasted).

What is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love and only discovered after you got into sobriety?

Topiary!

When I talk to people about it they first try to work out what it is. After I explain it is exactly what they thought, “the art of clipping shrubs into shapes”, they always ask, “Why do you like that?”

I love the concentration it takes (I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD and can’t normally concentrate for long periods), it draws you in. I love the flow forms I can create. I love that you have to keep at it. I have always enjoyed gardening and I usually use this as a time to reflect or contemplate. But topiary takes concentration. One false cut and it could be years before it is healed.

Which area has changed the most, and for the better, in sobriety: health, wealth, relationships, or spirituality?

It’s funny but wealth definitely changes when you get sober.

My first shot at sobriety saw me give up a pretty large cocaine addiction, this coupled with how much I spent on booze each week saw my wealth increase exponentially. In four years I went from owning a car worth about $800 and renting an apartment to owning a house in a nice suburb and driving a brand-new car. Sure, I had some debt associated with these but repayments were easy and the bank would give me any amount I asked for.

I had no idea how much my addictions were costing me financially and it was actually a massive shock when I first sat down with my wife and we did a budget!

When someone asks you, “why don’t you drink,” what do you say?

I say “I just don’t drink”. If they push me I tell them the whole truth.

I never used to tell anyone — I was always ashamed. I also always used to fail at recovery.

As soon as I started to be more open to others I started to be more open to myself. I used to think it is no one’s business (and it isn’t!) but this mentality meant I was ashamed of who I was (and I am not!). I love being sober. It has been a true battle to get here and I am so proud of myself. I am a survivor and I am here to help others survive.

Since being truthful with my responses to questions about alcohol or drugs I have not met a single person who is not proud of what I have done. I think a lot of people are struggling themselves and hopefully, my truthfulness will inspire them to begin their sober journey.