Get Mad to Get Ahead: Understanding Your Anger

The law of conservation of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it can only be converted from one form of energy to another.

Emotions are simply this: energy in motion.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed, FLOODED with emotion, then proceeded to act out of character?

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Despite how it sometimes feels, the power of your emotions doesn’t have to manifest as regretful actions.

Instead, you can direct the emotional energy toward any purpose you care about:

• A strong body

• A new business

• Spiritual connectedness

Using emotional energy to hone your focus toward your deepest desires is the secret to exponential success.

Emotional Intelligence 101

In THE LAB of life, Anger is used as a tool to understand the movement required so that our emotions can be alchemized in an adaptive manner:

T - Tired (for rest)

H - Hungry (for food)

E - Excited (for pleasure)

L - Lonely (for connection)

A - Angry (for movement)

B - Bored (for fulfillment)

The emotion of anger is the result of something outside of yourself getting in the way of what you want or how you think things should be.

But you can’t change other people (damn it!) which is why anger can make you feel helpless or “out of control”.

When you feel angry, the energy has to go somewhere.

If you don’t guide your emotions to transform into something adaptive and productive, they will transform into something maladaptive and destructive (drinking, buying shit you don’t need, causing an argument).

Just because you can’t control other people, it doesn’t mean you have no control.

You have the ability to control yourself - always.

Anger Alchemy

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - The Serenity Prayer

I’ve found that the best way to practically understand this prayer is to study it backwards:

1. The wisdom to know the difference:

You must understand the difference between Anger and Resentment.

Anger is experienced when you’re faced with the reality that “because they did X, I can’t do Y.”

It’s an emotion based on facts and other people’s actions (or inaction).

Resentment, on the other hand, is a function of envy. It’s caused by a perceived unfairness or injustice. You tell yourself, “Because they did X, it’s now impossible for me to do Y.”

It’s an emotion based on perception and your actions (or inaction).

Resentment is a completely valid emotion. In fact, I think it’s a really positive emotion to experience because, being a function of envy, it clarifies this important piece of information: your world view and your actions (or inaction) are not aligned with your deep desires.

Therefore, when you’re aware of your resentfulness, you have an opportunity to grow and change into greater alignment with your desires.

I used to think, “I am not successful in my business because my husband doesn’t believe in me.”

It was a hard pill to swallow when I realized that I was actually blocking the flow of my own energy by my maladaptive self-perceptions and actions: “I don’t believe in myself and therefore I procrastinate, blame others, and get distracted.”

I had similar false perceptions about my sobriety.

I thought, “Sobriety is so hard because my husband drinks.” In reality, sobriety was hard because, “I feel sorry for myself and am not asking my husband for the support I need.”

That, my friends, is wisdom.

2. The courage to change the things I can:

When you realize that you’re the problem (It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me), it’s time to change.

This can look like:

1. Setting a boundary

2. Communicating your needs

3. Starting a new, healthy habit

4. Stopping an unhealthy behavior

The bottom line? You are responsible for yourself.

In a world that breeds followers instead of individual leaders, that takes courage.

3. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change:

You are not responsible for how other people act. Learn to accept that.

It’s simple, but not always easy.

Your Solution is Simple

Your assignment in THE LAB this week is to get curious about your anger. Every time you’re angry, ask yourself: Am I angry at them, or am I really resentful at myself?

Awareness is where all change begins.

Here's to you,

- Jenna Lou