How To Go To Happy Hour Without Drinking

This is Caitlyn’s Sober Story about How To Go To Happy Hour Without Drinking. These are Caitlyn’s experiences, words, and opinions. Enjoy!

I got sober during the holiday season, and looking back, I should have been gentler with myself. This is what I would suggest to newcomers: don’t worry about forcing yourself to go out.

I didn’t yet have the tools to navigate social situations without drinking. It was still early on in my sobriety, and I didn’t have the support network I have today. Those early days were uncomfortable and tough for me.

I experienced a lot of anxiety before and during social events. Social anxiety was a significant part of my story — it’s what fueled my drinking. When I put the bottle down, all the feelings I had tried to drink away came rushing in.

What ultimately helped me a lot was connecting with people who were also not drinking. I had supportive friends I could text or call before and after the event. In the case of a happy hour, I would have two or three women from my trusted network whom I could reach out to.

They held me accountable, and I knew I could call or text them when I left the event. I remember feeling extremely anxious about an event once. I was crying and sharing with someone that I had a social event to attend as a newly sober person.

They asked me if I had to go, and without thinking, I immediately replied, “Yes, of course.”

At that time, I put so much pressure on myself that I didn’t give myself the space for self-care. Looking back, I realize that I always had the option to say no.

We all do. We also always have the option to leave a social situation that we don't feel comfortable in - even if it’s a work event. I know that I can enjoy myself and stay for the whole time, but just knowing that I can leave whenever I want to because my health (not my job or social life) is my top priority is crucial.

I truly believe the phrase, “Anything I put before my sobriety, I will lose.”

If I go to a happy hour with the mindset of impressing my boss or fitting in by drinking, it won’t make me the employee or person I aspire to be. A significant gift of sobriety is becoming the person I was always meant to be — someone who loves people, is social, and is proud of who they are.

Sobriety removes the walls and cloudiness that kept me disconnected from others.

When I responded to my friends, “Yes, I have to go”, one of the biggest fears that manifested in work and social situations was the fear of being forgotten or left behind.

It would start with thoughts like, “If I don’t go, I won’t get promoted or be part of important projects.” But if I dug deeper, it was an existential fear of being stuck, forgotten, and left behind.

I’ve explored this fear in therapy and discovered it’s related to abandonment and a fear of being left behind. It’s uncomfortable for me as someone who tends to people-please and seek control. Slowing down and asking myself what I truly need in those moments has helped. By listening to myself and practicing self-care, I can show up as the employee, family member, and friend I want to be.

Let me share a specific example:

I was at a work happy hour as a guest, not working. It reached a point where we were going to change venues for an after-party. As a new employee, I wanted to make a good impression.

My boss’s boss, who was the head of the company, asked if I wanted to go to the next spot. Internally, I felt tapped out, physically and emotionally. I lost my purpose and didn’t see where I could be of service at the after-party. That’s always a red flag for me.

So, I told my boss’s boss the truth — I said that my brother had just arrived in town, which was actually true at that moment. I often use my family as an excuse because I genuinely love them, and they live in the same city. I’ve used white lies to gracefully exit situations without overthinking it, and no one has ever pushed back or questioned me.

Alternatively, in social situations with close friends, I can be more honest and say, “I’m done for the night. Thank you.”

Now that I’ve been at the same job for a while, I’m close enough with my coworkers to simply say, “I’m done for the night. I had so much fun. See you later.”

But for those who need a specific line, using family, roommates, or good friends as a reason works well.