Overthinking = Lack of Self-Trust: Understanding and Overcoming Overthinking

“The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away.” - Leland Val Van De Wall

Overthinking stems from a deeper issue: a lack of self-trust.

More specifically, you don't trust yourself to manage the emotional fallout if your fears come true.

The possibility of facing these emotions is so daunting that you seek control by mentally preparing for every conceivable scenario.

You search for control by:

• Strategizing

• Catastrophizing

• Creating a plan of action (probably several)

You imagine everything that could possibly go wrong and exactly how you could respond to avoid or minimize the hurt -- right?

Well if this is the case, then you’re probably frustrated and exhausted.

So here’s another option...

A Different Approach: Trust Yourself

Trust that you can handle whatever comes your way, even if it involves big, uncomfortable feelings.

You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t have to have all the answers.

You don’t have to be happy or certain or comfortable all the time.

What you can be – is reliable.

Instead of overthinking and trying to control external outcomes, consistently show up and support yourself regardless of what happens.

The Illusion of Control (Why Overthinking Isn't Worth It)

When you overthink, you fall into the trap of believing that you can control external circumstances to ensure a desired outcome.

Your obsessive need for control is a defense mechanism designed to protect you from potential pain and disappointment – it can even feel productive.

But the truth is, control is an illusion.

25% of people will make a plan but never follow through. Allowing yourself to overthink will rob you of your potential.

What happens when you plan but don’t take action? You ruin your self-esteem, and your potential.

You know what they call high achievers with low self-esteem? A perfectionist.

Your Roadmap: 4 Essentials Steps to Build Self-Trust

1. Make a Decision

Simply put, you get to choose one of two ways to make any (and every) decision.

You can either:

1. Move through life operating from a place of curiosity, hope, expansion and self-trust. Or…

2. Build your life from a place of fear, doubt, and constriction.

Which do you value more?

Act accordingly.

It may not be comfortable, but it is that simple.

Trust that you are capable of making good choices based on what you know at the moment – you are.

2. Let Go of the Outcome

In case you need to hear it…

If it feels like things are crumbling to the ground and nothing is going the way you expected, remember that this also means that it’s possible to rebuild in ways that you never imagined.

They say "life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans".

Let’s plan to leave a little bit of room for the unexpected magic.

What if it truly works out better than you ever imagined?

Think about it for a second…

How many of the wonderful things in your life happened exactly how you planned them to?

How many did you see coming, or happened on your timeline?

Probably not the majority of them.

So, with that said, I know you’ve tried to plan it all perfectly a million times before, but what if this next time opens the door that you’ve been waiting for but didn’t even know you needed?

This next time might open a door that makes your world completely crumble down, forcing it to be rebuilt.

Your job is to keep moving, keep learning, and keep growing.

Keep opening doors, and you just might find what you didn’t even know you were looking for.

3. Show Up for Yourself

You don’t have to know if it’s going to work.

You don’t have to know if you’re going to like it in a month, in a year, in 10 years.

You don’t have to know if it’s the “right” or “wrong” decision.

Truth be told, there is no wrong decision when you’re acting from the values of the person you want to be.

Once you've made a decision, let go of the need to control the outcome. Understand that you cannot predict or manage every aspect of what will happen. What you can control is how you respond to whatever comes your way.

So here’s the secret to making the “right decision” no matter what:

1. You make a decision, and then…

2. You make it the right decision by showing up and supporting yourself through whatever happens next

Commit to supporting yourself through all outcomes, good or bad. This means being kind and compassionate towards yourself, especially when things don't go as planned.

4. Learn and Adapt

I have great news for you: you aren't behind in life.

There is no deadline for finding love, having kids, or traveling the world.

There is no rulebook that says you’ve failed or succeeded. These are illusions placed on you by other people’s ideas.

So stop predicating your happiness on external achievements and opinions.

View each experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. If things go according to plan, that's great. If they don't, that's also great, because it provides a chance to learn and adapt. Trust that you have the resilience to handle setbacks and the wisdom to learn from them.

True success is when you never stop failing and learning.

Remember that.

The Power of Self-Trust (Why It's Worth It)

What if self-trust isn’t earned? What if it’s given?

Hear me out:

Self-trust is the decision to honor yourself.

It’s choosing to follow your instincts, your intuition.

It’s knowing that you very well might get burned – but if you do, you’ll take care of yourself through that experience.

That’s vulnerable.

There is really no way to guarantee the someone we care about won’t hurt us.

What we can be certain of is our commitment to having the courage to be there for ourselves.

"A surfer doesn’t ride a wave trusting the ocean will stay steady, but rather trusting their skill to balance and adapt."

Having self-trust transforms your approach to life.

When you trust yourself, you don’t overthink - you simply enjoy.

This confidence allows you to make decisions with clarity and act with purpose, knowing that you can deal with any outcome.

Consistency Over Perfection

Do yourself a favor and sit with this quote for a second:

“The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away.” - Leland Val Van De Wall

Mic-drop, right?

The control and safety you're seeking don’t come from manipulating external circumstances to meet your expectations. Instead, they come from your ability to consistently show up for yourself (i.e. do not abandon, run away from, or shame yourself) no matter what is happening.

It's not about being perfect; it's about being present and resilient.

And I get how uncomfortable that is.

The loudest truth might just be this: humans hate uncertainty more than anything else – ever.

It’s the overwhelming majority of us that would do anything we could in order to be certain of an outcome, even if the outcome itself isn’t exactly ideal or comfortable.

The secret to self-trust (and overcoming your anxious overthinking) is finding a certainty within yourself.

You can start building that today by consistently accepting yourself and caring for yourself, no matter what.

Final Thoughts / Recap

This might be my longest letter to date -- so if you're still reading that's pretty freaking cool. I hope that means you're finding a lot of value in it.

To wrap it up...

Overthinking is a sign that you don't trust yourself to handle difficult emotions.

Break free from the cycle of overthinking with these four steps:

1. Make a decision

2. Let go of outcomes

3. Show up for yourself

4. Constantly learn and adapt

THIS is how you build the ever-elusive self-trust that you need to soothe your anxiety.

Remember, the true source of control and safety is within you, not in external circumstances.

Embrace self-trust, and you'll find a sense of peace and empowerment that overthinking could never provide.

I hope this helps.

Jenna