How to Stop Emotional Eating (Drinking & Shopping & Texting)

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." - Friedrich Nietzsche

When people don’t know how to manage their emotions, 99% will look for an escape through:

• Drinking

• Shopping

• Internet stalking

Let’s face it -- no one’s distracting themselves with leafy greens.

I’m convinced that distraction is the #1 habit a person must break if they want to fulfill their potential.

Finding meaning in struggles (instead of running away from them) transforms pain into a catalyst for personal growth, resilience, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Uncharted emotions lead to suffering; ie. unnecessary, compounded pain... like binge eating or drinking your way through a breakup. 

Oh the other hand, emotions accompanied by a map lead to success.

Here are the top three moments (and accompanying misidentified emotions) I find that people get wrong – plus how to get it right:

You blame others when you’re actually mad at yourself: Anger vs. Resentment

Anger arises when something gets in the way of a desired outcome, or when it seems like the “way things should be” is being violated. This emotion can be immediate and often linked to a specific event or action that disrupts your plans or values.

Resentment, however, is more insidious and long-lasting. It emerges when you’re frustrated because you perceive an injustice in someone else having or doing what you yourself want to have or do.

Resentment stems from envy and occurs when you feel like you deserve what someone else has, but you perceive that some injustice is stopping you from having it.

The key word here is “perceive” – resentment is often based on our subjective interpretation rather than objective reality.

This perception distorts your view of others and leads to misplaced blame.

When resentment takes root, it masks the true source of our frustration: your own unmet desires and unacknowledged feelings of inadequacy.

If you’re willing to acknowledge your resentment, you shift the focus inward and address the underlying issues. This fosters personal growth.

This is not comfortable to do, so most people opt-out and choose to blame others for their unhappiness, claiming anger instead of resentment.

You are not most people.

You take responsibility for your life.

When 99% of people are more comfortable pointing a finger, be brave enough to see the three fingers pointing back at you and seize your power once again.

The greatest assurance of success lies in your personal growth, not in someone else's capacity for change.

You tell yourselves you have something to lose when you actually have nothing at all: Jealousy vs. Envy

Jealousy is the fear of losing something you already possess – the anxiety that someone or something might take away something you hold dear:

Status.

Possession.

Relationship.

You worry about the potential loss, which can lead to protective or even destructive behaviors to safeguard what you fear to lose.

On the other hand, envy arises from a strong desire for something that someone else has or is experiencing – the longing to possess or achieve what others have:

Money.

Success.

Freedom.

Unlike jealousy, envy doesn’t involve fear of loss but rather a yearning for gain. It’s the difference between fearing the loss of your partner’s attention (jealousy) and wishing you had your friend's new job (envy).

Understanding these distinctions can help you:

1. Use envy to determine what you desire

2. Use jealousy to determine what means a lot to you

This constructive outlook allows you to let go of guilt or self-pity for experiencing the emotions – they are not inherently bad, just informative.

You detrimentally diagnose yourself when nothing is actually wrong with you: Shame vs. Guilt

Shame is when you identify an action with your identity. It’s the lowest vibration emotion (meaning it feels the worst) and it’s the only emotion that I will ever note as completely unnecessary and unhelpful.

Shame can sound like, “I am stupid because I failed a test.”

Shame implies that you are what you’ve done. Some philosophers would agree with this perspective, but I offer up a spiritual viewpoint: we are all inherently good. We sometimes take bad actions, but what we do doesn’t change who we are.

Shame can trap you in a negative self-concept that stifles growth and healing.

Guilt, on the other hand, is when you feel a responsibility or moral distress over your perceived wrongdoing or failure to meet certain standards.

Guilt allows for accountability without self-condemnation. You recognize that you fell short of a standard and where you could have done better, but the fact that you did this doesn’t threaten your identity or your inherent goodness.

Guilt sounds like, “I feel guilty because I didn’t study and so I failed the test.”

You’re not stupid – you just acted in a way that was irresponsible. 

There’s a big difference.

Understanding the difference between guilt and shame is crucial. Guilt can motivate you to improve and make amends, fostering personal growth. Shame, however, can lead to a destructive cycle of self-blame and low self-esteem. When you recognize that your actions do not define your worth, you break free from the paralyzing grip of shame and embrace a healthier, more forgiving self-view.

My challenge to you is this: pay attention to your feelings this week.

Notice when you feel angry and ask yourself, “Could this be resentment instead of anger?”

If you think you’re jealous, ask, “Is this envy or jealousy? Do I have something to gain or lose?”

When you’re in self-pity, ask, “Is it possible that I’m a good person despite how I acted? Am I committed to doing better in the future?”

I hope you found value in this letter.

Thanks for reading.

Jenna