Sober Story: How to Be Patient, Admit Your Faults, and Nurture New Family Dynamics

In this story, Nickole shared the following tips on ow motherhood looks like in sobriety, what does life look like in recovery and being a mom in recovery.

This post was created for the sober and sober curious looking for relatable, inspiring sober-positive content. The following are Nickole’s experiences, words and opinions. Enjoy :)

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I began drinking and using drugs when I was around 13 years old.

Initially, I would become defensive when confronted with the truth about my behavior. Now, I can see for myself that it is indeed true. Although it is challenging and not for the faint of heart, there are many gifts that come with sobriety. Being accountable and embracing discomfort are two things I never desired before, but they have proven to be worthwhile.

The power I have gained from my sobriety, even at this early stage, is remarkable. It is a more substantial way to live.

I used to have a self-protective nature, keeping people at arm’s length and sabotaging myself. I was always trying to stay safe, but in doing so, I prevented myself from experiencing a deeply fulfilling life and meaningful relationships. While it is possible to continue in that manner, it wasn’t the life experience I desired in the long run.

Now, I am starting to see that such things are truly possible if I am willing to put in the work. Previously, I was an adult acting like a child, raising a child. Now, I am an adult acting like an adult, raising two children.

How does it feel now?

In this moment, there is a significant focus on admitting that I don’t have all the answers. In the past, I would never allow myself to admit when I was wrong, unsure, or lacking control. I strived for perfectionism.

But now, I am learning to be okay with not having everything figured out. Even with my kids, I had a conversation with them yesterday about our behavioral challenges. I spoke to them honestly about my struggles and acknowledged that I don’t have all the answers.

We have to work together to find a solution. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have been capable of such transparency. Admitting that we are all doing our best with what we have and accepting that it’s okay to not know everything or have it all figured out is part of the process.

Although it is more difficult in many ways, it feels more like a family now. We are working together to lead a healthy life within our household, rather than me desperately trying to control everything by imposing rules that negatively impact our relationship.

Embracing the concept of “I don’t know” as a spiritual state brings numerous benefits. It cultivates humility and allows for greater flow, fluidity, and creativity.

It opens up possibilities that I previously restricted with my own rigidity. There is likely no limit to what it offers because self-imposed restrictions and boundaries are the only things holding us back.

By embracing endless possibilities, they become a reality. Now, I would like you to paint a picture of one of the gifts you have experienced in motherhood.

Describe a memory of an experience you had with your children while sober, allowing us to visualize the moment?

Sure, I’m passionate about nature and spend a lot of time with my kids outdoors, whether it’s working on the yard or going to the playground. Activating my senses helps me get out of my head as I deal with anxiety and depression.

Recently, there have been a couple of movie-like moments where I pause and feel incredibly grateful.

These moments often occur in the yard or at the park, watching my children play. For instance, my daughter was giggling and doing cartwheels while my son wanted to be pushed on the swings.

The weather was perfect, with sunshine, blue skies, and a gentle breeze. It was exactly what I had envisioned when I thought about motherhood.

Of course, motherhood doesn’t always look like that, but in those small moments, it does, and I savor them.

During those times, I can truly see my children as they are — innocent and pure. I believe that as adults, we often expect children to function beyond their developmental capacity.

Witnessing their unadulterated play and magic has been incredibly rewarding and joyful.

In the past, I might have been irritable or distracted, missing out on these magical moments because of my own preoccupations.

However, by being present and sober, I can truly cherish and store these memories in my mind.

They are long-term memories that I appreciate, rather than fading away like moments I experienced while under the influence.

Initially, sober single parenting felt much harder than parenting while drinking. It was a major reason for my inappropriate drinking, as I neglected to take care of myself.

This phenomenon is relatable to many women, mothers, and individuals in different areas of life. However, as I started meeting my own needs and remaining consistent, sober single parenting became easier and more enjoyable in the long run. It is still challenging, but it’s challenging in the right ways. Knowing that I am showing up and doing my best is incredibly satisfying.