Don’t be the Hero (Be the Leader)

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." - Barack Obama

I found myself stumbling over my words today, trying to describe to a friend how I felt in the midst of a big change:

“I feel tired; like I’ve run a race, but, although I’ve succeeded, I don’t feel accomplished. I feel hungry; like I’m craving food that doesn’t exist. I feel like a part of me has gone missing – different than a screw that has come loose. I’m distinctly aware that there’s an old version of me I can no longer access, even though it’s only ever been inside of me. Did I poop it out?”

Change.

It’s strange.

In the tapestry of life, change is the thread that weaves growth and transformation. Yet, embracing and following through with change requires a courage that often eludes us.

How do we gather the fortitude to embark on a journey of transformation with grace and dignity instead of slumping into depression?

Permission to Change (Stop Self-Sabotaging)

Our minds -- intricate and complex as they are -- often find solace in dwelling on the past or anxiously anticipating the future.

It's a dance between nostalgia and apprehension, fueled by our innate desire for control and certainty.

The past offers a sense of familiarity -- a narrative we've already written -- while the future beckons with promises and uncertainties.

In this perpetual tug-of-war, the present often gets neglected.

99% of people will deal with the discomfort of change by:

• Escaping the feelings via food, alcohol or a TV binge

• Denying their feelings by pushing them down, or doubling down on work

• Distracting themselves by obsessing over something entirely out of their control

Of those courageous enough to change, only a fraction are equipped with the skills required to thrive instead of self-sabotage through the transformation that change requires.

Over the last two days, I’ve noticed myself:

• Craving more chocolate

• Guzzling the last half of my morning coffee

• Tempted to watch another hour of TV instead of start my bedtime routine

• Obsessively thinking about the design layout of my future apartment that I don’t even have yet

All of these actions lead to more anxiety and discomfort.

What’s that all about?

The present moment, with its raw immediacy, is demanding my full attention, requiring me to confront reality as it unfolds.

Like how my dog barks in my face when his toy gets stuck underneath the couch.

Incessantly and unavoidably.

Unable to stand the discomfort of the present moment, my Ego wants to be the hero, swooping in with a “quick fix”.

Beneath the self-sabotaging actions the Ego convinces me will “help”, lies a harsh truth: I don’t believe I deserve the change I’m seeking.

Why else would I be so resistant to facing the present moment, the outcome that my change has delivered me?

So, as I do, I’m putting on my lab coat and performing a new experiment. It’s called the “I deserve this” meditation:

First, I sit and breathe.

When I get distracted (usually worrying about the future or obsessing over the past), I bring myself back to the present moment by reminding myself that I deserve to be in the present, with the comforts that it has available to me -- despite the discomfort and fear I face.

And I repeat to myself: “I deserve the (fill in the blank with a positive attribute) of this present moment as much as anyone else in the world, even as much as Taylor Swift and Oprah, and I will prove it to myself with the actions I take in this present moment.”

Then I resume focused breathing until I’m inevitably distracted again.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

In the “I deserve this” meditation, I almost always find:

• Rest

• Quiet

• Stillness

• Comfort

• And more

When we bring stillness to the incessant chatter of our mind - grounding in the present moment - true contentment and peace reside.

The Courage to Change

Where the Ego wants to be the hero, Spirit wants to lead.

Spirit plays the long-game and understands two critical concepts:

1. More will be revealed

2. Everything is temporary

It takes courage to be still in the discomforts of change and to let change work its magic on us and our circumstances.

Courage is cultivated through four essential character traits:

• Awareness

• Perception

• Connection

• Action

1. Acknowledge the discomfort.

Change can be daunting, stirring feelings of uncertainty and fear. Recognize these emotions as natural responses to the unknown.

2. Reframe your perspective.

Oftentimes, feeling “bad” is based on things that have happened in the past (where we have no control), whereas feeling “good” is based on our ability to shape a positive perception of the future (which we do have control over).

Instead of fixating on the risks, focus on the opportunities that change brings. View change as a gateway to personal evolution and new experiences.

Interestingly, the only place we can find serenity is in the present.

Try the “I deserve this meditation” and challenge yourself to seek the wonderful things that are happening for you right now, acknowledging that you deserve those wonderful things.

3. Connection heals obsession.

Seek inspiration from others who have navigated similar transitions. Their stories of resilience and triumph can ignite the spark of courage within you.

4. Take small steps.

Break down the change into manageable tasks, and celebrate each milestone along the way. With each step forward, you'll cultivate the courage needed to embrace the journey of change and unlock the boundless possibilities that lie ahead.

When it comes to the “I deserve this” meditation, keep it simple: put a timer on for three minutes and practice it.

Don’t be a hero. Be a leader.

Resist the temptation of “quick fixes”. Take small steps toward your goals. And stay present.

You don’t have to do it perfectly, but if you do it with intention, you will develop a courage that helps you be who you deserve to be.

Thanks for reading.

Jenna