In 1996, a group of people decided they wanted to climb Mount Everest.
The climb reaches 29k feet, an altitude at which humans are not made to be and the body begins to die. One out of every four people who attempt the climb don’t make it back down.
In the movie “Everest,” the group of climbers from 1996 make their ascent knowing there is a storm on the way, giving them a narrow time window to not only get up but to get back down.
If they don't make it to the top by "turn around time", they agree to turn back and forfeit their goal of summit.
Imagine you’ve paid $65k to be a part of this climbing cohort, gone through months of physical training, have seen pictures of the peak, know the legendary status that comes with making it to the summit, and you yourself can actually see the top...
But it’s turn around time. And there’s a decision to make.
Do you turn around, cut bait and go home, or keep struggling and risk it all to make it to the top?
The two voices in your head ignite in epic battle:
Voice number one is philosophical and legendary: “History is made by the brave.”
Voice number two is your wonderful, yet ordinary, mother: “Turn around, live to see another day.”
A phenomenon happened to the climbers called “Summit Fever.” Since they were so close to their goal, they convince themselves that they should keep going to the top.
They did keep going and they made it to the summit.
But they died on the way down.
We all get to a point in life where we wonder:
Should I stay in this job?
Should I stay in this relationship?
Should I finally stop drinking… for good?
The war in our mind rages on:
Yes, I am tired all the time and my shoulders are perpetually tight from stress, but this is the C-Suite title I've been working so hard for and the money is soooo good. I'm burned out but still alive - I can rest and have fun when I retire.
The relationship is dead but a part of me believes we could try one more time, we could make this happen. We’re still alive and haven't tried everything.
I’ve failed at two businesses but there are those stories of people who keep trying and after five businesses they are finally successful. I’m still alive and haven't tried everything.
When is enough, enough?
The Dream vs Purpose Dilemma: How to Make Hard Decisions
Dreams are momentary and temporary accomplishments experienced in life. You will have a million, and you won’t get to fulfill them all. While important, they are merely puzzle pieces to the bigger picture.
Purpose is your big-picture contribution and experience in life. More important than dreams, as it is intrinsically woven into every-day living despite outward circumstances.
For example, my purpose is to “live a full life.” What does that even mean? For me, it means a life of success, community and pleasure.
More specifically:
1) Success. Discovering my natural gifts, becoming great at them, and maximizing my service to people.
The thing you love to do, that people come to you for, that you would do for free. To know what that is and to be able to do that really well -- so well that others are so grateful for your service and would even be willing to pay you handsomely for it. That is the ultimate work. That is the purpose of life.
2) Great community and relationships.
To find the people who understand you and who see and celebrate your inherent value. To find the people who you can do life with. The people who will witness you in every life experience and call it an honor. That is the ultimate love. This is the purpose of life.
3) Pleasure. Fully experiencing every experience.
To feel the joy of winning and the grief of defeat. Feeling conflict and peace. To be present where you are and see the details of the trees. To have had the whole human experience. That is the ultimate experience and where, I believe, I derive the most fulfilling pleasure that life can offer. That is the purpose of life.
The climbers were so close to their dream that they could see it -- taste it, even.
Their good judgment said, “it’s time to go home.” But the mountain was calling: “come on, friend, we have to keep going.” So they lost perspective on their purpose.
Enough is Enough (Knowing When to Quit)
Everest is not your purpose. It’s a dream, a goal, a project. It’s important and has value, but it doesn’t have ultimate value because it’s not your purpose.
Don’t give up your purpose for one goal or dream.
Don’t give your life for one summit on Everest.
What’s Your Everest?
The thing that makes you feel like “I have to have this right now,” even against your better judgment? Summit fever.
Why are you pursuing your Everest?
Let’s say your Everest is drinking alcohol in a safe way.
You probably have some sort of noble answer: I want to connect with people. I want to bring others joy. I want to feel free. I want to experience pleasure.
I’d say that’s 80% of your truth.
I think the other 20% is insecurity. You have to be “the cool one,” “the sexy woman,” “the funny guy.”
Why?
You don’t think you’re good enough as you are. Not cool enough, sexy enough, funny enough.
Don’t give up your values to prove your value.
Don’t give up your health so that others will like you more, or understand you better, or feel more comfortable around you.
There are certain struggles you didn’t ask for and you can’t get out of: a loved one dies, you lose a job, a fire burns down your house.
There are other struggles that you didn’t ask for but you can get out of… you just continue to tolerate the struggle.
If you’re going to die on the mountain, make sure you die on the right mountain.
Die on the mountain of purpose: pursuing your unique gifts, being of service to others, finding those people who completely and truly love you without you having to prove anything to them or change anything about yourself, let yourself feel it all - including the peace that comes from knowing that you can handle it all.
Operate from security. Know your value, don’t prove it, and choose purpose over pride.
Stop confusing a dream with your purpose.
Struggling to find the perfect formula so that you can drink safely is Everest.
Getting sober could be your “cut bait.”
Recognize that by turning around, you get so much more. A full life. And it’s enough. It’s more than enough and it’s sure as hell way more than the muffled down, narrow focused dream of being able to drink with friends on the weekend or feel sexy with a glass of wine on a date.
There’s more to life than that.
Suffering to fit yourself into a relationship with a nice, loyal person who doesn’t understand or support you is Everest.
Breaking up could be your “cut bait.”
Turning around, you get so much more. More than the confusing, emotionally draining dream of knowing that you’ve been “chosen” and you’ll never be alone again.
There’s more to life than that.
What’s Your Everest?
May you have the discernment to see the difference between a dream and a purpose.
May you experience that surrender can be surprisingly rewarding.
May you choose the full life you deserve to live.
Thanks for reading,
Jenna